3 Things Your Chocolate Store Should Be Doing…But Probably Isn’t

This is my rewrite of an article that appeared in the magazine Dessert Professional: Are You Confusing Your Customers?

I’ve changed the name of the business to “The House of Chocolate” and decided to assume it provides a good example of what every dessert business should do.

Well-written content is clear, organized, and compelling. It doesn’t confuse the reader. It doesn’t try to impress with big words.

Read both posts – this one first to see the difference clear writing makes.

Now, read my re-write:


3 Things Your Chocolate Store Should Be Doing…But Probably Isn’t

The House of Chocolate was on a busy street and the sophisticated, minimalistic logo hinted at what I would find inside. I opened the door and was hit by the heady aroma of freshly roasted coffee beans. So far, so good.

You see, I analyze every dessert business I enter because I’m an art director and business strategist. I take a look around, think about how I could improve it, and then offer suggestions. Once the owners see the results, our relationship deepens.

Our magazine gives small business owners the knowledge and tools they need to succeed and in this post, I’m going to tell you about three things all successful dessert businesses have in common.

1) The store’s interior design reflects their brand

If your bakery chain’s brand personality is all about warmth and whimsey, the store decor should be warm and whimsical. If your brand’s personality is sophisticated, customers should see the sophistication when they walk through the door. If they don’t, they could get confused, even disappointed. No dessert business can survive with confused or disappointed customers!

The House of Chocolate score: 10 out of 10

They nailed this one. The store had a high ceiling, polished cement floor, muted colors, and natural wood. The design was simple, sophisticated, and matched their logo.

2) They tell customers what products or services they provide

Don’t assume potential customers are familiar with your products or services. While it’s true that some of them will know more than others, none of them will know as much as you do. Don’t forget this. Present your products or services so that even the least informed customer will instantly understand your offer.

The House of Chocolate score: 10 out of 10

As soon as I walked in and looked around, a smiling employee handed me a detailed menu. Everything they offer was right there on that piece of paper. Clearly explained. I decided to order their signature hot chocolate.

3) They tell customers how to do business with them

Your store’s interior design should do two things:

  1. Reflect your brand personality.
  2. “Tell” customers what they’re supposed to do.

That’s it. Your dessert store’s interior design isn’t about your favorite color. It’s about showing customers who you are and giving them the in-store equivalent of a big “Buy Now” button.

Don’t make customers stand there and think about what to do next. Customers shouldn’t have to figure it out. Tell them exactly how to do business with you. Use visual cues. Do they need to stand here or over there? What should they do first? What should they do next? After that? What’s the final step?

The House of Chocolate score: 10 out of 10

One of the first things I saw when I walked into the store was a big “Order Here” sign. It was impossible to miss. When I walked over to order I saw another sign that said, “Pick Up Your Order Here“. Can’t get much clearer than that!


Want to become a better writer? Reduce your Flesch-Kincaid score so that your writing is easier to read. Cognitive fluency studies show that people perceive simpler statements as more trustworthy. Marketing and sales content should have a Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level below an 8.

The original article has two main problems. The ideas are poorly organized and the sentences are too long and complex:

Total words: 1278
Average number of words per sentence: 20.29
Percent of complex words: 16.28%
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level: 10.9

I reorganized the ideas, used simpler sentences, and added a compelling headline:

Total words: 499
Average number of words per sentence: 12.48
Percent of complex words: 12.42%
Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level: 6.7

Hire me to re-write your content